I get HUGE resistance from clients when I suggest that they start to expect support from their loved ones. Simple things like assigning the family do their own laundry, wash or vacuum the car, take out the garbage, take on more house chores Expecting the spouse to take charge of some meals and the household on a regular basis. Letting children ride the bus to school instead of driving them.
Letting admin assistants or outsources take care of small tasks at work, instead of doing them yourself.
"Get more help from those around you."
Do you feel resistance to that statement? Why? What thoughts come up?
Really, go inside and find out why you resist the idea.
Is it because you're afraid? Are you afraid they will grow abilities and resources and become more independent? Are you afraid that they won't need you anymore, or love you anymore, when you give up doing all those things for them?
fr Here's an example: Shelley --had a very busy husband and two lovely girls, Gloria, in 3rd grade, and Brandi, not yet in grade school.
Shelley loved her family life as a mom who could stay home, but she longed to return to her career, at least part time. Her obstacle, her challenge was, how to care for Brandi while she went to work.
I asked if she had considered some daycare for Brandi, Kindercare, or one of the very good daycare/preschool providers in our area.
-- BOOM! -- went the dynamite!
Shelley got so agitated she jumped out of her chair and paced the room.
"I don't think I can leave her --she's so demanding, she needs so much attention all the time. I don't know if anyone else can love her enough, and give her enough attention, if anyone else will have the patience to go along and steer her the way she needs. She challenges every rule and everything that I ask her to do! I don't think anyone else could love her enough to put up with it."
WOW! That's a powerful obstacle. So full of emotion and pain points.
I had been with the girls several times, and they seemed like smart average little girls. I had been around them during play with other children, and it all seemed like regular stuff.
I asked Shelley if Brandi had any special needs or problems. No, nothing there. Upon more exploring it seemed like Brandi only became very demanding when she was home with her Mom.
I asked, "Well, Brandi will start school next year, and that will give you a half-day to work. Are you willing to wait until then?"
Shelley dissolved into tears. " I don't know if I can send her to school next year. I'm thinking of keeping her home another year."
My next comment was: "You might be surprised... Brandi might already have skills and resources to deal with other people. But does she ever get a chance to practice and develop those skills? When does she get a chance to grow her own skills for independence, for making friends?"
Shelley was so stunned, she didn't speak for a few minutes. Then she said, "maybe I don't give Brandi enough credit for growing up. Oh! Maybe I don't want her to grow up, my baby is slipping away. We decided to have only two children, and now I'm losing my baby."
The next week Shelley enrolled Brandi in a halfday preschool. After Brandi started, Shelley decided that even though she had more time, she wouldn't return to work just yet, she would stay home and enjoy being there for the household and family life until Brandi completed First Grade.
Shelley loved having the time to get her home just the way she wanted, to spend time cooking and sewing and enjoying some adult time alone. She also took a course to help her brush up on her career skills, and left the girls at home with her husband several evenings each week.
-Brandi grew her skills and developed an athletic skills that had never been expressed before!
-Gloria enjoyed being Big Sister and helping Brandi get used to the world outside the parents' home.
-Dad learned how to parent when Mom was away, and new relationship bonds were formed between him and the girls.
-Mom learned that the girls could cope and grow, and Dad could be an effective parent, and that all the important things got done, even when she wasn't home every hour to guide them.
And the whole family was happy and relieved that the tension caused by Shelley's obstacle was gone! Everything was lighter and more fun.
Live your life larger! Create more of yourself by letting your loved ones develop, by letting them grow in their service for YOU.
When you get love, time and support from the people around you, you help THEM to grow and transform too!
Everyone wins, and everyone lives larger, when everyone serves. Aloha, Linda